Quick Dating Tips – Asking a girl out

This is a recurring conversation I have.

“Hey Vichet.”

“What up wit’ it?”

“How do you ask a girl out?”

I just smile my special smile, and say this.

“Well, see, you walk up to her, and you like, open your mouth and breath and use your tongue to make these things called words, right? And using those words, you say something like, ‘Hey, let’s grab a drink on Thursday.'”

Okay so it’s not that simple.

But it’s not that complicated either.

What did you think? That there was a magic set of words I use that just work, somehow?

Furthermore, where did people get this idea that I’m successful with women in such a way that I have a series of secret phrases that will somehow make the girls clothes disappear?

In fact, where did people get the idea that I’m successful with women at all? Seriously? What are you building me up to be? We already have the Ultimate Man for that!

Let me tell you something. I’ll put it in list format so you can easily digest it:

  1. Most women decline giving me their number when I ask
  2. Most women whose numbers I get, refuse a date over the phone
  3. Most dates lead nowhere
  4. Most dates that lead somewhere end up nowhere
  5. In all of these cases, life goes on.

“But Vichet!” you exclaim. “How is that possible? You’re f*cking amazing!”

Yes, I know, thank you. But what you need to accept is that attraction doesn’t work the way you think it does. You’re the one who asked, right?

I’ll concede that I probably get around a little more than Average Joe. Maybe even a lot more. But the only thing I will admit as to the difference between me and Average Joe is that I simply recognize non-problems for what they are: non-problems.

I mean really, what do you lose by asking?

When you realize that you literally lose nothing when asking someone out, except maybe a modicum of the self-pride you probably don’t deserve in the first place, it’s a lot harder to justify sitting there, creepily staring at your mark from across the room.

I remember this one time in high school (the only time I ever thought there was a special secret way to ask girls out that I didn’t know), there was this girl that I’d been meaning to talk to, but never had a chance. Oh, wait, I’m sorry, I had plenty of chances to – it’s just that I was a total pussy (no offense, ladies – replace pussy with limp dick if you need to). See, I got a little confused there. High school was a long time ago.

Anyway, I thought of a million reasons why I should or shouldn’t. Then one day, we were next to each other in the hall. I’d never said two words to this girl before. If she’s reading this, I hope she gets a kick out of it, because my mouth was moving faster than my brain could stop it.

“Hey ____. Wanna go to junior prom with me?”

In case you were wondering, “ejaculate” also means to have a “sudden verbal outburst.” Look it up. Then start using it in conversation.

If I remember correctly, she was surprised, and kind of giggled. That, and she said no.

But that’s not the point.

The point is, if you’re the type that gets hung up on details such as how to ask a question, you are WAY too invested in the answer.

Was I dealt a crushing blow? At the height of my awkward years, only months after I’d first been kissed (I was 16… late bloomer), surely this debacle would have ended my high school career in suicide, yes? I mean, what would my friends say when the rumor mill started that I’d actually asked ____ out? And not just on a date, but junior prom?!

Nope, no crushing blow.

Life went on. I’m pretty sure it was the funny story of the next two days, but I was surprisingly cool about it, and  I kind of unsurprisingly liked the attention – especially from all the girls that she talked to about it who were all like “Vichet would NEVER ask a girl out! He’s gay, right?”

Anyway, asking a girl out isn’t a job interview. Whoever you’re looking at, yeah, she’s pretty, she has legs up to her neck and an ass you put your mug on, but she’s just a person. A normal person who might actually be cool with having a coffee or beer with you, so just get your head out of your ass, and ask. Or she might be crazy, in which case if she says no, you got lucky.

Sure, if you’re a clever guy, you can be clever about it.

But really, if you have to ask how to ask a girl out, women aren’t your biggest problem. Become an interesting, fun person. Then you can just be yourself, and women will spend time with you.

Because really, that kind of question is only something I’d have ever asked in high school. There’s nothing wrong with failing, guys. Stop getting so invested. Ugh, it makes me feel gross when you do that.

Gross.

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