Quick Dating Tips – How can I tell if she’s into me?

“Vichet, there’s this girl I like!”

Cool story, bro. Tell it again.

“Vichet, there’s this girl I like!”

I didn’t really mean for you to actually do that, but okay. So you like a girl. What’s up?

“I’m pretty sure she likes me, too, but sometimes it’s hard to tell.”

What do you mean? Really?

“Well, we see each other all the time, but I can never seem to get her to hang out with just me. I ask her all the time, but she’s always busy, or tired, or with her other friends, or______. But, we never seem to connect.”

Huh boy. And what do want me to do about it?

Can you tell me how to figure out what a girl is thinking?

Oh, that’s easy. You have to pay attention really close to the little details of what she says and does, all the time. Check it out:

  • If she says the word “the” more than five times in one sentence when she’s talking to you, she’s totally into you!
  • If she makes a joke about horses and sheep while you’re going to the bathroom, she’s totally into you!
  • If she twirls her hair and blinks more than three times, but less than six, she’s totally into you!
  • If she blinks more than six times, stay away from her, she’s after your hidden gold!
  • If she didn’t stab you when you asked for her number, if means she’s totally into you!
  • If she had to cancel her date with you, then it probably means that something catastrophic happened. Like, her dad died or her cat had diarrhea or something. You should keep calling and leaving messages, because she’s totally into you!
  • FACT – women have extremely inflexible schedules, and can’t move anything ever to accommodate a date, not even with the Ultimate Man. That errand to the post office just CAN’T be moved, so don’t expect to just GET a date and end up in her schedule! She’s totally into you, though!

See that, up there? That was all sarcasm. And yes, it was patronizing.

I had to mention, specifically, that it’s sarcasm, because you’re probably the type who can’t pick up on the the fact that if she never makes time for you it’s because she doesn’t f*cking want to see you.

“But Vichet, she finally agreed to a date, but then she broke it off because something really important came up.”

Okay. What came up?

“She had too much work/wanted to see her friend/was too tired.”

Oh yeah, man, she’s totally into you.

“I knew it! Thanks, Vichet!”

Yeah, lemme know how it goes.

*cough*

Now that I’m done kicking you while you’re down (psych! I’m not done – more later), let’s talk about this.

See, one of the things that trip guys up when they try to read a woman, is that they start with this assumption:

Gosh! Women are so complicated. Not like us guys! Am I right, bros? No means yes and yes means no and junk, right?

Yeah. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. This is why she’s not hanging out with you. Case closed.

See that, up there? That was sarcasm again. Three times in one day, baby, I’m on fire!

Ladies, please don’t take offense. In fact, I view what I’m about to say as a compliment.

Sane women are not complicated. 

“Oh, well that’s it then! All the women I’ve been asking out are insane!”

Hold on there, Casanova. Try to get this one through your head: sometimes a girl just isn’t into you, and never will be.

That does NOT make her a bitch**, and if you think it does, you’re a self-important dickweed and I’m thrilled with your diminished chances in the gene pool.

**Although in some cases she is. But hey, in some cases, the dude’s trifling ass has nothing to offer either, so whatever.

Just to wrap up this article, because it went through roughly 10 revisions before posting (and all those revisions produced other drafts about different issues… talk about a can of worms.).

Here are some simple, reliable ways to tell if a girl is into you:

  1. She makes time to spend with JUST you, and makes it as simple as you make it. No excuses, no complications.
  2. She shows up to dates. If she’s not a mess, she’s even on time and wearing something reasonably nice.
  3. She doesn’t shove you away when you try to kiss her (this sentence was painful to write).
  4. She treats you nice and does nice things for you, like changing your car oil, buying you flowers, and giving you handies under the table at parties.

If she doesn’t do those things, specifically #1 and #2, then sorry, bud. She’s just not that into you. These aren’t hard and fast rules, but I guarantee you that #1 and #2 need to be in place if a girl likes you.

I know it sounds painfully obvious and redundant to have to mention that people who like each other like to spend time in the same room with each other (proximity, bam!), but you’d be surprised how many guys go through all sorts of mental gymnastics to explain the behavior of a girl who doesn’t want to hang out with him (oneitis, bam!). Or how idiotic some guys can be about this, even without the mental gymnastics. Ask me, I’ve heard it all.

I’ll take it a step further and say that if you’re a guy, you’re probably guilty of having done this in the past. You might even be doing it RIGHT NOW for some woman who would just like it very much if you were a much cooler, more interesting version of you that she might actually want to go out with.

But, once again, sometimes a girl just isn’t into you, and never will be.

Don’t sweat it, though – there are about 3 billion women on this planet, and at least 99 percent of them aren’t into you, and never will be. Womp womp!

Let’s recap on the only thing you need to know until you become less of a tard:

A sane, interested woman will make it as easy as possible for you to spend time with her.

Next time, we’ll talk about some concrete steps you can take to make more women interested in you in general!

Seriously, I felt like a tool having to write this, but some guys just DON’T get it.

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