Quick Dating Tips: Sunk Cost Fallacy + Your Idiocy = Not Laid

Picture this:

You’re out with a girl. For, I don’t know, the fifth time in three weeks. That means this one is likely a dinner date, or at least drinks, or something with atmosphere that costs money. For you, anyway (you sucker). Dinner it is. Anyway, you’ve just finished dinner. Conversation went well enough. You pick up the tab like you did the last four times and next thing you know, you’re at her door dropping you off. She says something like “I had a nice time,” and when you move in for the kiss, she politely returns it and gives you a hug. You don’t go upstairs. You don’t pass go. You don’t collect $200, though in the last four dates, she has in drinks, dinner, shows, and your time.

Question of the century: You been laid yet, guy?

… No?

Ahem…

“No way, Vichet! She’s spending time with me! You have to put in effort!”

Okay – but what has your effort yielded?

“… Sometimes it takes time!”

Okay. Come back to me in 5 weeks.

8 dates and 5 sexless weeks later

“Vichet, this is bullshit!”

What?

“I’ve taken this girl out on 13 dates and STILL haven’t gotten any!”

Oh right. We’re still talking about this?

A couple of truths before I continue:

  1. Taking a girl out on dates does not ENTITLE you to pussy. If it did, everyone would be getting laid, and there would be no market for prostitution.
  2. But on the flipside, whenever it is you get laid by a new woman you’re seeing, that event IS a tangible (and how) marker for your progress with that woman.

It’s the 21st century and you’re in America or at least some country not completely ruled by the morality police. If you do what you’re supposed to do, most women who like you enough will eventually decide that they will sleep with you as long as you make a move.

*Another disclaimer – just because a woman likes you enough to sleep with you now, doesn’t mean she will later – especially if you turn into a blithering idiot with no backbone.

So, anyway, based on the above parameters, I’ve come up with this rule. Or, more like a guideline. Some girls might find it offensive, but none can argue with its practicality.

If a girl doesn’t offer for me to come into her apartment (double entendre!) after 3 dates (“dates” defined as spending pre-planned time together alone) where I’ve made clear, confident moves, then she doesn’t want to bang me. This holds true even if she continues to allow me to go on n number of dates, where n > 3 with an upper bound whenever she finds someone she DOES want to bang.

Okay, okay – some girls need more time to decide. It’s a guideline, remember?

So there, ladies, I’m not telling you to bang any guy within three dates if you don’t want to. But if you can’t see yourself banging him, don’t let him take you out on dates.

Now a question for you, fellas – how many sexless dates does it take you to realize that a girl isn’t into you?

For me, I already told you. Three. Tres. Trois. Tri. San.

Though I’m willing to go up to six, just because some women really do take longer – she’d have to be somethin’ else, though.

How about you?

Looks like in my example up there, someone went at least thirteen.

Have some of you gone more?

How many dates?

“Hmm… I never really thought about it, Vichet.”

Well, if you don’t know, here’s a test. Assuming you’re not a selfish impatient dick (I am, you might be, it can be worked on). Your number is however many dates does it take for you to get annoyed when you realize you’re making cool moves but you’re not laid. ESPECIALLY if you have a good track record, and based on that concrete data are relatively confident that cool women find you attractive.

Now, if you pass that number with a girl, not just by 1 or 2 dates, but by twice that number (2*n = 6 dates without getting laid for your boy Vichet), do you really want to be with a girl who needs to put you through a McKinsey and Co. style barrage of interviews and behavioral analyses before she decides that she’ll let you do what human beings have been instinctively driven to do since the dawn of existence?

Imagine what going out with this kind of woman would be like:

“Hey Jane, wanna go see Jive McFly and the Ubermensch at the Tower this weekend? Black Magic is opening for them!”

“Hmmm… I do want to go see them, and I do like you, but I think you’re going to have to jump through a few more hoops to convince me, because I’m high maintenance and am just weird about things like that.”

“Okay, Jane! I suppose I could wash your car again?”

“That’ll do. Don’t forget the wax this time.”

If you think the above exchange is ridiculous, congratulations, you’re sane. However – I have seen exactly that type of dynamic play out with many guys who end up in relationships like that because they never learn to say “no” at some point when they should have realized they’re putting in a lot of effort for a whole lot of nothing.

And the reason this happens is referred to as the “sunk cost fallacy.”

If you don’t feel like reading about it on Wikipedia, it basically means that you’ve already spent 5 dates and 200 bucks on this woman for nothing but conversations you could have gotten for free from friends – instead of cutting your losses and moving on, you strongly prefer to continue for a 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, or 100th date in the hopes that sometime it will all pay off. All because you “didn’t want to waste” those resources you’ve already invested.

“Psshhh, come on Vichet! I know what my limit is. I can say no anytime!”

Right. You’re special, and this particular demonstrable trait of human cognition that ignores all cultural and racial boundaries does not apply to you.

“Poppycock! I just need to take her on a few more dates to get to sexytown! I’m sure of it! I’ve already spent 400 bucks!”

Repeat after me, gentlemen: If a woman likes you, she will make things easy for you.

We’re in the 21st century. Assuming you qualify and quickly demonstrate how awesome you are, a woman might even bang you before you go on anything resembling a date.

So, considering that, when exactly did not getting laid become the standard operating procedure? You’ll hear guys say this all the time: “No way, Vichet, she’s super traditional/conservative/non-sexual/full of shit! Of course I’m not getting laid yet, I need to put in more effort to prove myself, specifically with n dates! I have no idea what number that is, but have faith that she will tell me when it happens. With sex.”

I know, I know – I said up there that taking a girl out doesn’t ENTITLE you to pussy.

But, shit, man. If she likes you, she will bang you! Not because you took her out on a date, but because she likes you. Taking her out on the date was just a time that allowed her to get to know you and be sure that she likes you. Because nothing is worse for a woman than a dick she regrets.

Shoot – a set number of dates required in order to get laid? That’s all backwards. You should only set the number of dates it takes you to realize that it’s going nowhere and you should amicably part and seek your entertainment elsewhere.

Granted, sometimes a courting period will take longer because you’re a pussy, and don’t make a move.

But OTHER times… well, what’s a girl to do? She’s bored, you’re cool enough to be seen with and pay for everything, but not cool enough to bang.

Some dating coaches call this the “friend zone.”

I don’t call this the friend zone because a) that would imply that you and this mercenary are friends and b) you need to get some f*ckin’ better friends if your friends are all pay-to-play.

Instead, I call the guy an idiot. Shoot, for $200 you could at least go on craigslist and find someone to give you a handy. Or at least end up in jail with felony charges against you and a funny story you’re required by law to tell everyone whenever you move to a new neighborhood.

The final word:

DO NOT EVER let your attachment to sunk costs keep you from leaving a courtship that’s going nowhere. This applies no matter how long you’re going out, 2 dates or 2 years.

If you start saying to yourself “but I’ve put so much time and energy into it,” guess what? It won’t work out, and the longer you allow the sunk cost fallacy to run your decisions, the more time and energy you will waste.

2 Responses to Quick Dating Tips: Sunk Cost Fallacy + Your Idiocy = Not Laid

  1. guesswho says:

    So you disagree that a girl can make the conscious personal decision to not randomly bang people who buy her dinner but is waiting for a commitment/marriage? Do you discourage her dating?

    • itsmevichet says:

      No, I don’t disagree. But if a guy doesn’t want to wait, or is incompatible with the type of girl who waits til marriage, then he should wise up BEFORE spending lots of time and money.

      I advocate that people who are fundamentally incompatible with each other not waste each other’s time.

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