Quick Dating Tips – 7 Things We Can All Learn From Pick Up Artists

What if I told you that the Pick Up Artists are right?

Fact: Pick Up Artists are people, too.

Well, maybe not about everything, but they have a huge pool of data that illuminates a few key facts of the dating world. Turns out, these facts are just facts of life that happen to apply to the dating world.

You’re skeptical. I get it. There’s a huge stigma against Pick Up Artists nowadays. What was once a groundbreaking knowledge has become commonplace, even trite. “Weapons of mass seduction” are now in the hands of every pimply 14 year old with too much time on his hands, and the ladies have caught on.

It’s a bad time to be a student of the panty-drop-jitsu – but fear not!

Fellas, I know that there’s a lot of conflicting information out there as to how you should approach women (hint: with caution), but I’m here to be your guiding light in this time of darkness.

Here are 7 things that we can all afford to learn from Pick Up Artists.

1) You have to be the master of your own life.

You’ll hear the phrase “Alpha Male” uttered a lot in pick up circles. I prefer the term “Ultimate Man.” Mostly because “Alpha Male” has been taken by a lot of the haters out there and perverted in such a way that it now refers to roid-raging Jersey shore douchebag man-children. The kinda guys who see a good looking girl, and go from 0-11 in no time flat, stumbling over themselves to hump her as fast as possible. That’s the closest to the colloquial use of “being alpha” as you can get nowadays.

It was not always so.

What the gurus, the guys who knew the real score, the guys who, after years of self-study (and getting laid a whole lot) finally realized, was that being Alpha simply meant the following:

  • Knowing what you’re capable of, and where you can improve
  • Knowing what you (really) want out of life
  • Having the courage to try, in spite of what others might think
  • Having the patience to try again, and again, and again
  • Having the maturity to realize that sometimes, your winning hand isn’t in the deck

I think that’s something we can all do a little bit better, right?

2) “Abundance Theory” – it’s not about any one girl, singular.

This one gets jeers from clueless men and princesses alike. The clueless guys are mostly saying “but Vichet, if I can’t get THAT particular girl by following your advice, what’s the point?” The princesses mostly cry about how any level-headed guy, Pick Up Artist or otherwise, does not consider her the chosen one.

See, this advice is not about getting any one particular girl. It’s about getting better with all women, in general, over time.

Yeah, yeah, you might be butt-hurt over Suzie McHotness and how she’s the bee’s knees. But there are tons of girls out there just as cool or cooler than her. Oneitis much?

But hey – it’s not about Suzie. It’s about you. It’s about you being the best representation of yourself. Ladies come and go, but you always have to see yourself in the mirror when you wake up. You might as well be happy with what you see. And when you’re happy with what you see, because you’re doing awesome things, others will just take notice automatically.

If you live this way, you will become great with women in general. And the pool of women who are attracted to you will become more plentiful and more attractive over time.

3) Never ask a woman how a man should act, and never try to tell a woman how she should act.

I’ve gotten a lot of flak for this one. But it’s true. Women and men are different.

No, neither is “better” than the other.

But they are different. And there is a veil of understanding that cannot be breached without having been a member of the opposite sex.

So many guys ask me questions like “Why do women do this, why do women do that? They’re so illogical am I right, bros? LOLOLOLOL!”

Women aren’t illogical. They have a logic, trust me. I don’t understand its finer points, but then, I don’t need to. That’s their beef.

Women play the exact same game. “Why do men do this, why do men do that?”

Sometimes, we just do.

No, women are not these inscrutable creatures from another planet that cannot be understood by men. But, hey, they operate differently. If you can accept that, even if you don’t fully understand it right away, you will get THAT much closer to understanding (and possibly boning) women.

And here’s where good Pick Up Artists really shine – they never let their ego get in the way of their practicality. If a woman is being a woman, let her be a woman – she doesn’t have to answer to you. You only need to worry when her being a woman starts getting in the way of your happiness. Then you leave.

There could be a thousand reasons why a woman acts a certain way. None of those reasons matter if she’s being a royal bitch.

4) Communicating too little is better than communicating too much.

This is the tenet that spawned the “3 day call” rule, the “no-contact rule,” and countless other manuals about when and how to contact women. And it’s totally true – too much communication is infinitely worse than too little.

If you’re the kind of guy who is calling his girl twice a day and texting in between, that relationship will tend to go stale very fast. You might be skeptical, but there is a HUGE pool of data out there about this, and one of the major concerns us pre-internet old head Pick Up guys worry about is that the new generation is used to being in constant contact with each other.

I don’t exactly know why this is, but I have theories.

Call me old-fashioned, but there’s a reason that I don’t call my friends up every hour of every waking day. Especially a girl I’m dating.  Yeesh.

It’s because you have to give the girl time to miss you. You have to give yourself time to miss her. You have to have some time to do some interesting (and often necessary stuff like be at work) shit so that you have something REAL to talk about when you see each other IN PERSON.

It’s great that we have tools like Skype and cell phones to keep in touch, but in the end it’ll never replace in-person contact. Remember that, and don’t let the majority of your meaningful interactions go electronic.

5) “Kino.” Never underestimate the power of physical touch.

This sounds creepy, but it’s totally true. You’re vibing a girl, and she seems like she’s vibing you – but you don’t know for sure because you’re not making a move.

You have to put out a feeler, and one of the best ways to tell the difference between “yes,” “maybe,” and “hell no” is to use “kino” – that is, physical touch.

Where’s my hand going?

Put a hand on her. No, not her boob. At least, not right away. Or hey, maybe right away if you think you can get away with it. I’ll admit I’ve gotten away with that a few times. I don’t recommend trying it unless you have a REALLY good people sense.

Kino is basically vaguely romantic touching. It’s not exactly friendly punches to the arm (though it can start that way), but it’s not second base either. It’s your arm around her lower back. Or having her sit on you while you watch a movie. Or even just standing too close. If she’s letting you do these things, and reciprocating, you can go from there.

You have to start small – such as with light contact on the arm. Then bring her in – arm around the waist. Lightly stroke her side with your thumb. That kinda thing. You build up. Obviously, when she gives you resistance or says “no,” back off. I’m not gonna be the asshole who tells you that “no doesn’t always mean no.” If you’ve got a good enough people-sense to understand when a girl is teasing, then you probably don’t need the advice in this article. But hey, here you are – for you (a beginner/novice), no ALWAYS means no.

Anyway, a lot of guys think that they can get a girl just by talking. That they can get her to make a move. In fairness, sometimes this happens – but not the majority of the time. You’ve gotta test the water, bro. You’ll never know unless you initiate.

Disclaimer: Again, if she doesn’t start reciprocating after a while, she is at best neutral. If she reacts negatively, ABORT!

6) Stand out.

Let me lay down some truth: simply being alive does not make you a special and unique snowflake.

There are things that make you uniquely you, yes. But that shit takes work, holmes. It requires effort, development and investment, and YOU’RE the one who has to drive it.

I’ll use myself as an example. I’m a writer and a dancer. If anything were to make me unique, and make people think “Vichet,” those would be it. But, I’d have been neither of those if I didn’t work on it. If I didn’t put my effort into it.

Writing and dancing make me happy, so I work on them. And every day, it makes me a little more unique and, theoretically, interesting.

As it applies to women, think of how my opening conversations would go if I didn’t have writing and dancing to at least mention at some point.

“Hi, I’m Vichet. And I’m just like everyone else.”

Right. Good luck getting laid on that one.

Find what makes you wake up every morning. Put effort into it.

7) Stop whining and take a god damn risk.

Ask her out. You’ve been thinking about it. You’ve gone through a million simulations in your head as to how it could go, and it all means jack shit. Just ask her out. See where it goes. Stop being so uptight, and take a damn risk.

At the end of the day, it’s just dating. Dating is maybe 20 percent of your total life happiness, if that. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

In conclusion…

I can’t say I agree with everything Pick Up Artists say or do. But, I’d be hard pressed to deny the label if someone insisted on calling me that based on the circumstances that caused me to seek out this knowledge (hint – the same circumstances that start every other PUA on the path: sexual frustration).

But, some of these guys just get it. And, they’ve helped me learn that it was never about the women. Sure, I can say objectively (no, I won’t show you a graph) that I’m more successful with women now, but the real gold here is that after a while, Pick Up doctrine (under the right guidance) can show you that it’s really just all about life.

It’s just life, is all.

4 Responses to Quick Dating Tips – 7 Things We Can All Learn From Pick Up Artists

  1. Ma$e says:

    This article is totally right on the money. Also, just making sure you don’t supplicate to women (who will definitely test you on this) is another key to dating success. Great article.

  2. Pingback: PUA(Pick-Up Artists)/ Seduction Blogs I Enjoy (along with some good articles from them) « Kenny PUA: “Get Laid By Being Social”

  3. Socialkenny says:

    Abundance theory and not communicating too much are the biggest points here (although all were great).

    Guys need to realize that women are hooked to vagueness. The more she knows about you, the more the attraction will have faded.

  4. ^^ Sounds mean but it’s so true. Mystery fosters the attraction. Thanks for the great read,

    Tod

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