Dating Tropes Explained – Part IX – “Relationships Require a Lot of Effort”

You’ve heard this one before:

Relationships require a lot of effort.

A valid concern.

And you know what? It’s true. They do require a lot of effort.

But that doesn’t mean that a good relationship is supposed to be difficult or unrewarding 90 percent of the time!

Why am I mentioning this? Because there’s a problem: a lot of people take the original spirit of this phrase and pervert it into a cop-out.

Picture any of the following scenarios. Some of them might even stack on top of each other:

  • You’re in a relationship with a woman who is an alcoholic that throws up in the bed, and forgets what day it is at least twice a week.
  • You’re in a relationship with a woman who can’t take care of herself and makes her problems into your problems
  • You’re in a relationship with a woman who picks fights and always makes you out to be a bad guy
  • You’re in a relationship with a woman who hits you
  • You’re in a relationship with a woman who belittles you, both in private and in public
  • You’re in a relationship with a woman who has cheated on you

Have you seen, heard of, or worse, been in one of those situations?


Did the phrase “relationships require a lot of effort” come up at some point, too?


Oh boy… are you starting to see the problem I was referring to?

I bet you’ve said something like this before, too, one of the thousands of times you’ve complained about your situation while you were in it:

Well, I know she’s not perfectwhen times are good, she really IS sweet to me. I mean, it’s all about compromise, right? If I want things my way all the time, that’d be selfish.

She’ll calm down someday.


Shit, I’ve done that myself a few times. All while knowing deep down that the girl wasn’t gonna change, at least not for the relationship’s sake – she had a perfectly good sucker (me) to take the load of her terrible personality off her shoulders!

But, okay, I’ll bite – she’s not perfect. You’ve got a good point there. No one’s perfect. We shouldn’t expect a girl to be perfect, because then WE become the abusers.

But, see there are degrees of “not perfect.”

I know this great guy. Let’s call him Jake. Jake is a stand-up fella. He does charity work, has his own things going on in life, and is nice to everyone he meets.

Jake is really shy, though. A lot of times, he won’t talk to a girl he likes, just because. “He’s not perfect.”

Your triflin’ ass woman? Yeah, she’s not perfect. But in the way that a rotten bag of meat isn’t perfect. Meaning she’s a shitty person.

“No one is perfect” is not a license for anyone to be a full-on dickweed, holmes!

Also, what “good times” were you referring to, up there? The 24 hours between beatings?

Has it occurred to you that there are people out there without massively abusive/reckless personalities?

And that THOSE people are calm TODAY, and are calm almost EVERY day? That they won’t need to get their shit together “someday” because they’ve already got it handled now?

Jesus Leper-Loving Christ…

But you know what? I’m gonna turn this situation around. Your significant(-ly broken on an irreparable level) other is not the real dick here.

You are.

Yep, you.

Wanna know why?

Because you can do better, but you actively convince yourself not to.

That other person might have some mental health issue, or something like that. And sure, they can do better, too. But they might have it harder than you.

Either way, their situation is irrelevant, because you can just leave. Why haven’t you?

You don’t owe her anything. I don’t care if she saved you from a burning building. Shit, she probably did that because if she didn’t she’d have to find someone new to beat on.

I can’t stress this enough, guys – if she’s abusive, you LEAVE. Find out where your balls went, go get ’em, and leave.

Remember my article on mutual independence, where I say that you have to be completely independent of your woman so that you can recognize unacceptable behaviors for what they are? How about my article on having life goals, and achieving happiness fulfillment with your own two hands, independent of women – so that way, you stop looking for validation in other, theoretically shitty and abusive people?

Yeah. Read those again.

And anytime you’re in a relationship and you’re thinking “relationships require a lot of effort,” think real hard about why you even had to reassure yourself of that.

Instead, maybe you should use my expanded corollary to this cliche:

  1. Good relationships require a lot of effort from both parties, and are rewarding, making the effort unnoticeable and easy over time.
  2. Bad relationships just plain require YOUR effort, and in return just give you emotional problems.

And if you find yourself in one of those bad relationships, leave. No discussion, no negotiation – just LEAVE.

Stay healthy, fellas, both mentally and physically!

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