Dating Doctrine – Step 3 – Be a Whole Person and Live a Balanced Life. That, and Something About a Pie.

Hello, America.

I’d like to talk to you today about a problem that I encounter very often when giving advice.

That problem is being too detail oriented. Yes, you can be too detail oriented, and it will put the brakes on everything you want to get out of life.

I’m not usually one to forecast gloom and doom, but too often, people come to me looking for the one piece of advice that, by itself, will make everything better – the cheat codes to pick-up and dating, if you will.

And then I confuse the hell out of them by telling them to do something that has nothing to do with women. “Fix your life!” “Have passions!” “Become independent!”

What happened there?

Well, I’ll tell you what – no one single piece of advice, especially in pick-up, will make everything better, except for me saying “use your head” to a smart, experienced person who has already had some measures of success, and knows the value of hard work and persistence.

But, again, the belief that there is one mantra that will work for everything comes out whenever people oversimplify advice to make things seem easier. Which is, like, all the f*ckin’ time, because the response I get 9 times out of 10 to “fix your life” is “but Vichet I just want girls lolololol.”

Right. Then guys like that go and read the following gems:

  • Confidence is everything.
  • You just have to look good, smell good, and dress well.
  • Forget about everything else, just use kino!
  • Sexual frame! It’s all about sexual frame!
  • Be alpha!
  • Be cocky and funny!

And, you know, none of those statements are wrong by themselves. They all have merit.

It’s just that, by themselves, they’re not terribly helpful either.

How do you tell a man who has nothing going for him to just “act confident?” How do you tell a guy who has no confidence that all he needs to do is look good? How can you ignore thousands of years of human verbal and non-verbal interaction to focus solely on touch? How do you explain a sexual frame to a person who isn’t having enough sex? And what the hell does “being alpha” mean (hint: whatever the hell the person saying it means)?

See what I mean? Each of those details requires other things to be in place before they can start to work. By focusing too much on the small details as “the one thing you need to do,” you will stop doing all the other things that make “that one thing” work in the first place.

That’d be like if you were a knife maker making your greatest knife ever, and you spent all your time honing the blade without realizing you didn’t attach a handle, but not only that, forgetting that you need a handle in the first place. Really great blade, but without being complete, that shit is useless by itself.

A knife only requires two parts, though.

Pick-up, and beyond that, happiness in general – well, that requires a few more parts.

So, because I love cooking, I’m going to use a different metaphor here.

Being a complete, balanced, happy, attractive person is like being a well-made apple pie.

You can’t argue that this is completely true and accurate.

If you don’t like cooking, well, you can pretend I’m talking about well-made cars or something.

It might get strange when I start talking about allspice and cinnamon, which have no uses inside a car. Unless you built an oven into the glove box, and start making apple pies in there.

You can think of the different techniques (kino, frame, eye contact, leading, etc – the real PUA stuff), doctrines (how you conduct yourself overall in life, regardless of women), and strategies (mindset, philosophies, overall outlook on life that affects your doctrine) as ingredients in the pie.

In my view, some ingredients, like doctrine and strategy, are more important than others, like techniques. That’s because techniques only apply to very specific situations in your life.

An example being that kino applies to women who are already intrigued by you, and want to know more about you. That’s very specific. As you become more attractive, kino might be more universal, but if you’re reading my blog, chances are that you aren’t there quite yet.

Thing is, not all of your life is very specific situations. Most of it is open-ended, and you will find yourself wasting a lot of time if you’re staring at everything through a magnifying glass thinking “what could I have done better during that particular five minutes of that one day last week in that situation that will likely never happen again?”

But how do we avoid getting too caught up in details?

Well, by living your life through balance.

The pie is a good way to look at this. To make a pie, you need all the ingredients, right?

So what happens when you say something like “it’s all about kino”?

Well, that’d be like making a pie that only has cinnamon in it. Cinnamon’s f*ckin’ awesome, but ever have a spoonful by itself? That shit is nasty. Cinnamon by itself doesn’t make a pie. No one would eat it. Maybe someone who likes cinnamon a whole hell-of-a-lot would take a lick. But that’s it.

Okay, so you can’t have just cinnamon. What about if you add the apples? That’s what makes an apple pie, right? Baked apples with cinnamon are frickin’ awesome. Put a little sugar on there, now we’re getting somewhere! Let’s say that having spiced, baked apples in your pie is representative of having cool things going on in your life. You’ve got that, now.

Great! Who wants to buy spiced, baked apples from the store?

A lot more people than whoever wants to buy plain cinnamon – this is true.

But, there’s still something missing. The presentation. The charm. The look of the pie. The thing that makes people look at the pie and wonder what it tastes like.

That’s where crust comes in. Crust can be, for pick-up purposes, your overall look and presence. People will see a good crust and think, “That’s a nice pie.”

But remember, if all you have is a nice crust, you just LOOK like a nice pie. You’re not actually that great. If you don’t have the spices and the apples in there, you’ll be the kind of guy who gets lots of numbers and first dates, but very few seconds.

You gotta have it all. You don’t have to be the best at everything, no, but you have to at least take care of every part of your life.

I’m not saying make everything the same priority – there are things in your life that are more important than others. But, just because you prioritize something now, doesn’t mean you forget about everything else after that.

You need to realize that pick-up and dating and relationships are more than about one technique, one conversation, or one date. There’s a bigger picture you’re missing if all you’re doing is thinking that you only need to be doing one thing in your life to achieve success. You have to be a whole man. Not just someone who’s good in a conversation

And, beyond that, this is just part of life. One single tiny part of your life. What are you doing to take care of your life? Pick-up?

Not such a good idea, bro. I firmly believe that focusing too much on picking up women is plain destructive and a waste of time, because it’ll make you focus on women as a solution to a problem that you have with yourself. A problem that no woman or other person can fix.

Don’t get me wrong – if I didn’t believe this stuff was important and that people needed to know it, I wouldn’t be writing hundreds of pages of advice.

But pick-up… it’s just a small part of your life, man. 15 percent at MOST. And, you’re not going to build a whole life by focusing JUST on pick-up and pick-up techniques, or even my dating advice. Think about it – do you really want to put 85 percent of your life effort into something that’s only worth 15 percent?

Please. Do that, and you’ll ruin your game, and ruin your life.

I’ve probably said this in 10 different articles, but the key to good relationships is to have the foundation of a good life. Period. You can argue 15 ways from Sunday about this technique or that technique and about how one pulls more girls or whatever, but if you don’t have your shit together, all of that stuff is just splitting hairs.

Details don’t really matter if you’re failing at life, because the solution to a failing life is always the same – handle your shit. Get your shit handled, and then suddenly, almost everything you do is golden, pick-up or otherwise. THEN you can work on techniques, because they become the difference between good and great, versus the difference between failing miserably and not failing quite as miserably.

There’s a reason why guys who are happy with their lives don’t have lady troubles. Here’s to you finding out, and living out that reason.

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