Off the Cuff #7 – “Vichet! How’d you get so fly?!”

How did you gain so much common sense when it comes to dating? Trial and error?

Mostly, yeah.

I did read a book called “The Dating Dictionary” by Doc Love. I recommend it – it’s a good starting point for opening your eyes to fear-based social conditioning, and how to overcome a lot of it.

Beyond that, I never read “The Game.” I have, however, discussed pick-up, dating, relationships, life, philosophy, and other abstract uselessness with other people, both in person and on the internet, for years.

A lot of what Erik Markovik and Owen Cook have said about pick-up have resonated with me… but more about life than about dating.

I guess that’s because I believe knowledge is knowledge, regardless of how you express it. Richard Feynman made a great distinction between knowing what something is called and knowing what it actually is:

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05WS0WN7zMQ%5D

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a thinker, so I suppose that makes sense.

As for practical advice, I mostly just got out there, talked to people, examined myself, went through depression, came out of it with hobbies and life goals, and dated lots of women from lots of different backgrounds and circumstances along the way.

Look, I don’t consider myself a guru. I’m learning, just like everyone else. What I’d say I do have is the balls to put my name on my failures in a place for anyone with internet access to see. But, that’s not a huge difference – it’s not like I have more ability or value or talent than the next guy. I just have the willingness to be accountable to it, and use it in my life.

Here are some bullet points that have helped me in my completely aimless and roundabout (and ongoing) journey.

  • Pay attention to your instincts, but don’t be ruled by them.
  • Opinions are cheap – unless they’re coming from the people who really have your back.
  • On that note, evaluate who really has your back – if it’s no one, consider that you might be an asshole.
  • Always be willing to look at what you did wrong. If you have to, admit it to the people who have your back. Saying it out loud puts your ass on the line, and we’re more effective when there are stakes.
  • Never assume you have a secret exceptional skill that will swoop into your life and save the day when you least expect it. Instead, work on building the skills you know you want to have, so that YOU will swoop in and save the day some day.
  • You can only find happiness in your own drive to live life.
  • Physical activity is a time-tested, great way to learn what it’s like to live in the moment – being in the moment is something you will never understand unless you’ve been there.

Oh, wait, you wanted dating advice?

  • You’re not for everyone.
  • Not everyone’s for you.
  • One girl, regardless of how hot, is just one girl.
  • There is no “the one” – if you were immortal, you’d meet an infinite number of “the one.”
  • Be the expression of your potential, or be on the road to being the expression of your potential.
  • Don’t settle for anyone that takes away happiness from your life. Your happiness is not a negotiation with a third party, it’s a choice to be made by you.
  • Never underestimate the power of chemistry to draw out your stupidity.
  • Love is all you need… as long as you also have food, shelter, and a standard of living that doesn’t have you waking up and crying twice a week.

I have tons of these. They’re disorganized because, like my life, they have come at me randomly and at inopportune moments. Rarely do I ever actually think about them – I just live them. Remember what I said about how a tiger doesn’t have to think about being a tiger? Yeah, well, I’ve internalized a lot of this stuff. So here we have my blog that allows me to externalize them, all for you, for free.

You’re welcome, internet.

2 Responses to Off the Cuff #7 – “Vichet! How’d you get so fly?!”

  1. ‘Everyone’s not for you’ should probably be worded ‘Not everyone’s for you’.

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