Quick Dating Tips – 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t Try to “Build Attraction” Over Text, Email, or Chat

I’ve seen some hilariously bad advice centered around “text game” – the idea that you can get a woman interested in you, and build her interest, through texting her.

Now, theoretically, this is possible.

In the same way that, theoretically, if I immortal and were to continuously clap my hands together for eternity, that the winds of earth would eventually reach my resonant frequency of claps and the resulting vibrations would tear the world apart.

What have I done?!

What have I done?!

So, yeah, a lot of things are possible in theory.

Seducing a woman through text is one of those things.

So without further ado, here are 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t Try to “Build Attraction” Over Text, Email, or Chat.

1) If you’re not already a confident, ladykiller type, you will over-analyze all texts, chats, and emails.

You: “Hey what’s up?”

Her: “Not much.”

You: Oh my god. All she said was “not much.” What does that mean? Does that mean she’s not interested? Why isn’t she telling me about her day? Should I respond with something funny? Ooh, I know a meme! How should I word this? How can I show her that I’m funny and confident and fun to talk to when I’m clearly not?!

If you’re the type looking for advice on “how to text a girl” I’m gonna go ahead and guess you’re not the ladykiller type you wish you could be.

Step one: texting is for setting up dates, not having conversations.

Step zero: you’re not a confident guy? Work on that shit, holmes.

2) If you see a woman constantly texting no matter what’s going on around her, she is very likely bored, and/or a boring person.

The world existed before text, dude. There was interesting shit to be seeing and doing before you could write 140 characters about it to show all the people who aren’t actually paying attention to you because you’re boring because you spend all your time talking about the experiences your NOT HAVING while you’re TEXTING ABOUT THEM.

I was in Cambodia for a month with no phone, and only sporadic email. The tales I’ve brought back have been awesome, and it’s because I spent my time there living the experiences instead of giving you all 140 character updates about what kind of drink I was having and what kind of girls aren’t interested in talking to a guy who feels the need to give 140 character updates about bullshit.

The same thing goes for women. If you see a girl with her phone out all the time, she’s either a) bored of her current situation and making plans to do something better or b) just a boring person who never has anything to do but harass her friends for status updates.

Situation (A) is your chance to step in and offer that better something to do (you). If it turns out to be situation (B), excuse yourself and find someone worth hanging out with.

In BOTH cases, did you notice that you made a MOVE and it didn’t involve hours of typing on a tiny screen while NOT making any progress?

And think about it – when was the last time you spent any significant amount of time socializing over instant messaging? That’s right – when you were in high school, too young to drink, without a driver’s license or car, and nothing better to do.

Considering all the kickass things you and an attractive woman have available to do, do you think taking more than 10 minutes to text someone who isn’t there REALLY worth it?

3) Good rapport over text comes primarily from good rapport in person.

But hey – some of you guys really ARE attractive. You clearly follow my advice, and all the women who have your number are blowing up your phone about places to go and things to do and how much they want to see you.

Here’s the thing, though: The reason that a woman might blow up your phone with text is not because she likes texting, but because she likes YOU.

Let that sink in, holmes. She likes YOU. She hates texting you, but she does it, because they’re all invitations to meet in person unless she’s the female version of the kind of guy who needs to read my blog.

In fact, if she’s blowing up your phone with invitations, she’s probably thinking “fuck this fucking tiny ass keyboard I need to get laid by this guy, why is he not where I am arggggghhh!”

And you know why she wants you?

Because you were awesome in person.

Pictured: awesome in person.

Pictured: awesome in person.

Whenever it was you both met, and she got your number, or you got hers, she decided that you were actually worth it enough to take time out of her day to type a bunch of crap on a tiny keyboard. If she’s an attractive woman with a busy schedule, this actually means she wants to spend time with you. IN PERSON.

If she’s a boring person with nothing better to do, well, ignore her texts.

And that’s the thing. If a woman wants to be spending time with you, she doesn’t want to be texting you. She wants to BANG you. Every text she sends is, in her mind, a way to get you to where she is so that things can escalate physically.

So why the hell would you text back with “flirty messages” and “winky innuendo” and “useless bullshit” when you could just say “meet me at Burger King at 8. Bring money for a Whopper, three chicken fries, and a Diet Coke”?

4) Texting a woman is not a good gauge of her interest.

It’s just not. You can’t read her body language. You can’t hear her tone. All you have to go on is the frequency at which she texts you, and to me, that’s a better gauge for how annoyed I’m getting that someone’s texting me all fucking day.

And what’s more, a girl who’s not interested in you romantically might not be willing to spend time with you in person on a date, but MAY be willing to having a textversation with you while she has nothing better to do.

A lot of you might justify texting by saying you’re “testing the water.”

Listen, cuz, if you’re the type who needs to “test the water” over text before you can gauge whether a woman is interested in you, here’s a spoiler: she’s not.

I’ve never seen or even heard of ANYONE who was a confident, fun guy who needed to “gauge a woman’s interest by texting her.”

Know how the confident fun guys gauge a woman’s interest?

They ask her out.

Then they isolate. They kino. They talk to her. They observe that she wants to talk to them. They flirt in person. They TOUCH in person (you can’t touch over text, cuz).

They don’t need the safety net of “at least if she rejects me she’s not in the same room.”

You don’t build social confidence by dipping your toes in the water. You gotta get to swimming depth, and flail around a lot until you learn how to float.

Silver lining: there’s little to no risk of death by jumping into the waters of seduction. So jump.

5) Even if you text “well,” it doesn’t build physical comfort or get you anywhere romantically with the girl.

Here’s the main thing – even if you are Don Juan and William Shakespeare’s magical DNA spliced science-child, all you would accomplish through texting a girl “successfully” is that she thinks marginally higher of you.

And then you have nowhere to go from there until you meet up in person. Because, honestly, if you get a girl so hot and bothered that she’s willing to sext you, why the hell haven’t you been doing that in person so you can both have ACTUAL sex?!

If your mode of thought is that you’re going to text a girl to get her attracted to you, a) you better be swimming in LOADS of wet panties for me to even take you seriously and b) THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN, ASSHOLE.

I know what you’re thinking. That one time in 8th grade when instant messaging had just hit it big, you chatted with this girl from your class all night. You never had a chance with this girl in class because you were too shy, but now that you have TEXT chat down, she’s gonna be your girlfriend and become a supermodel and then somehow you win a Ferrari.

Yeah, how did that work out, chief? Ever hear that success story in real life? More than once?

More often it’s the story that comes out after you’ve had one or ten too many beers and now you’re crying because your dad doesn’t understand you.

In conclusion, here is the better alternative to texting:

All that good shit you were planning to say over text that has her actually taking time out of her day to write back and have some fun with you? Yeah, say that shit in person. And dress well, and smell nice. And have condoms with you.

Because, again, even if you play “text game” completely perfectly, you still have to meet in person and prove yourself in person. And all the rapport you could build over 2 hours of texting could be done in 20 minutes of face to face, Rico Suave style interaction.

Throwing texters a bone: the ONE time that texting can help build attraction…

This is a list of requirements for the only situation that texting has made a woman want to jump my bones (or anyone’s) more than if the texts were not had.

  1. The woman must already be sexually attracted to you. The best way to know this is to have already had sex with her, a lot, and she’s all smiles and touching you and asking when to see you again. You probably got her to this point by spending time in person and not texting.
  2. She’s got a strong kinky side.
  3. You’re good at writing really filthy scenarios that may or may not involve lube, bananas, a panda suit, and a can of chickpeas (fine… garbanzos).
  4. You send said filthy scenario via text, email, or chat, so you can describe exactly how you’re going to _____ her _____ all night with the _____ in her ____ while she ____ your ____ with a ____.
  5. If she responds positively, congrats: you’ve ruined her panties, and now must deliver on #4 when you see her next.

Remember that after the texts, you still have to meet in person. So put down the phone and go bang.

5 Responses to Quick Dating Tips – 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t Try to “Build Attraction” Over Text, Email, or Chat

  1. scottmac56 says:

    Word to the herd.

  2. alexshaddix says:

    Communication is changing at a fast pace and those who adapt to these changes in communication are smart. “texting is for setting up dates, not having conversations”. I’ve built attraction with several women using Facebook because that is where many women (and men) now spend their time. Why do you think mobile advertising has increased so much in the past 5 years? Marketers are trying to connect with potential buyers just as men are trying to connect with potential hook ups. Women born in the early 90’s are used to this technology and many would prefer talking to potential suitors using platforms they grew up with. But if you’re going for 30+ plus perhaps this doesn’t apply.

    • itsmevichet says:

      >But if you’re going for 30+ plus perhaps this doesn’t apply

      I would say “text game” doesn’t apply to anyone who remembers a time before the internet. Which is anyone older than 24 in a lot of cases.

      The bottom line is that no amount of electronic interaction, or words on paper, will ever trump the simple chemistry (or lack thereof) of two people being in a room together. Until electronic communication can actually get good enough where it can completely replace face to face interaction (meaning you get the effects of body language, eye contact, physical touch), you have to invest twice the amount of time online to get half the results you could get being successful in person.

      There are only 2 advantages I see to trying to build attraction over chat, text, or email – it mitigates the instinctive reaction to rejection because you don’t have a warm body in front of you telling you no, and electronic communications are more discreet if you date multiple women at the same time.

      The point of my article is that a lot of people nowadays use email/chat/text as a crutch to “dip their toes in water” and save face from potential rejection.

      If you’re already swimming in women, you can break this rule. But, most guys who read my blog looking for good advice aren’t usually at the level of Don Juan yet.

      • alexshaddix says:

        I believe it should be used as a supplement to developing ones social skills and agree that it should not be used as a crutch and the primary platform for meeting women. Check out my post on Fixed vs Growth mindsets, I mention how to lower the anxiety accompanied with face to face communication so that online and text don’t become your primary method of socializing with women.

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