QDT – 5 Steps to Getting Over Your Approach Anxiety

So, I was out the other night catching up with a friend visiting town, when I complimented a tall blonde on her perfume. Conversation, laughing, and impromptu dancing ensued, but no numbers were asked for because I’m predisposed at the moment (sorry ladies and readers).

Either way, not too far from where I was carrying on with this nice lady and her two equally nice friends, I remember seeing a couple of guys. They didn’t look green with envy, but they were definitely intrigued by the whole situation  – eyes on us the whole time. I can’t say for sure they wished they were the ones carrying on, but I can say I remember a time when I was the guy who was too shy to approach a woman and instead watched as others who didn’t have that problem had all the fun.

How did I fix it? Well, I never really looked up a guide or broke it down into steps, but I do remember saying “enough is enough, I’ve had it with these mothafuckin’ snakes on this mothafuckin’ plane,” or something equally Sam Jackson-esque. Only coming from an Asian man. And maybe while crying myself to sleep.

But, looking back on it, there were some concrete steps I took that really helped take away the jitters I used to get when in the presence of boobinite.

My only weakness!

My only weakness!

So, here they are. 5 Steps to Getting Over Your Approach Anxiety:

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Quick Dating Tips – 5 Useful Things You Learn From Video Games Applied to Dating

“But Vichet,” you protest, “nerds don’t get laid!”

Nerds? Why you gotta label everything? Racist.

“What?” you ask.

Yeah, we’re moving on.

So, if you were like me, when you were growing up, you spent all the time that girls were ignoring you by playing video games.

Where she at?

Forever alone…

So, that was most of the time.

Womp womp.

But, contrary to what every parent ever will tell you, while you were playing all those video games and trying to figure out what you could say to a girl to get her to touch your penis, you were ACTUALLY learning a few handy-dandy skills that could help you in dating and life!

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Quick Dating Tips – 5 Ways You Can Avoid Sounding Like A Talentless Dickweed

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

Yeah. We’ve all had those moments.

There we are, celebrating that royal beat down we gave to the laws of physics when we pulled that totally sweet parkour and rescued the president from ninjas! We’re knocking a few back at the bar, and a gorgeous lady with legs up to her neck walks over.

“Hey fellas,” she says. “What are you all celebrating?”

Then, it happens. “Uhh… hi. Brian. I’m Brian. My friend Vichet, we’re… parkour. President. Saved from ninjas! Number?”

“What?” she asks, put off by your slurring.

Okay, so that never happens exactly like that. One, because you’re likely the kind of guy that women don’t approach off the bat (work on that), and two, because no one actually fumbles over words that much.

Oh, but people, you DO fumble over words. And it makes you look like an asshole. Not in the good way.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but in the information age, it’s really important that you don’t have recordings of you sounding like a retard, because between Facebook and Youtube, that shit will follow you around like herpes.

So, this is more life advice – but, this advice applies any time you’re interacting and talking with ANYONE in ANY CONTEXT. Job interviews, dates, meeting new friends, impressing coworkers, you name it – you will get much farther EVERYWHERE with a silver tongue.

And no one’s born with it. So here it is: 5 Ways You Can Avoid Sounding Like A Talentless Dickweed

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Quick Dating Tips – 6 Things That Nice Guys Can Learn from Assholes

I’ve covered some of the incongruities of the typical “nice guy” in my DTE article “Nice guys finish last, and assholes get the girl, featuring Peter Parker and Tony Stark… and Rocky Balboa.”

In that article, I explained why supplicant, people-pleasing, doormat type behaviors don’t enable attraction to grow between people. What’s worse, it usually kills attraction.

But, what can the helpless nice guy, who is genuinely nice at heart but often clueless when it comes to women, do to make sure he puts his best nice-foot forward?

Well, that’s where the assholes come in.

Assholes always accept the challenge.

I’ve compiled a short, sweet list of 6 Things That Nice Guys Can Learn from Assholes.

1) Be more selfish.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. You’re a nice guy, and when you were young, you were told that selfish behavior was a cardinal sin.

But now you’re older, and you may not have noticed, but there aren’t a ton of people looking out for you, dawg. Sure, there’s your good friends, who do good for you and expect the same – they’re looking out for you. But what about the hangers on? The people who always seem to need something, but are never around when you’re in a spot?

Well, in short, f*ck ’em.

See, this is something assholes, being naturally selfish, are VERY good at doing. If someone doesn’t bring value to the table almost immediately, the asshole doesn’t give him or her the time of day.

You might say that’s crass. You might say that’s rude. You might say that’s Draconian.

But hey, you’re a nice guy. Aren’t you always doing something nice or putting your best foot forward when you first meet someone.

Is it so unfair to others to expect the same?

Your heart says yes while your brain says no. Listen to your brain, it’s what keeps you from doing a lot of stupid shit.

Furthermore, assholes know what they want, and aren’t spending all their time thinking about other people’s opinions… which brings me to my next point.

2) Stop putting value on the opinions of strangers, and others who aren’t close/helpful to you.

Look, I’m not saying that you should ignore everyone’s opinions and do what you want ALL the time. That would make you a full-on asshole. We don’t want that.

I AM telling you, however, that if someone is nay-saying you about something important, and that person has done the equivalent of jack-shit when it comes to contributing to your life, then you need to cut that person out.

What was that phrase I used up there? Oh yeah, f*ck ’em.

Assholes, again, are great at this. They know who is helping them with their goals, and who isn’t. They cut out all non-hackers in their life, and just move on.

3) Have a slightly unreasonable measure of confidence in yourself.

Know how we got to the moon?

Some assholes strapped themselves to a seat in a metal tube, attached to another metal tube carrying thousands of tons of explosive material, while being directed by other geeky assholes who made some calculations about the likelihood that the assholes in the metal tube would even survive ignition, all at the request of some American government assholes who were embroiled in the biggest pissing match of the 20th century with some Russky assholes, because god damnit if we were gonna let the Russkies get there first!

I’m gonna go hang out where there’s no air. For America.

Okay, that might be oversimplifying it a bit.

But, do you think any of that would have gotten done if everyone was thinking with their nice guy caps?

At some point, each person in the whole space program (and every other great human achievement) was like “this is totally going to work.”

I mean, yes, GREAT engineers and the finest minds of the time were all involved in the planning process. But some asshole has to say “okay, we’re doing it,” because all the planning in the world wouldn’t have meant diddly-shit if something unpredictable like a 1 lb space rock happens to hit the rocket on the way up.

If you need another example of great human achievement that involved assholes, look at computers. Think of the asshole who was like “man, f*ck all this math. I want to build a machine that harnesses the primal forces of nature to do all this shit, so I can give less of a shit every day about it.”

When it comes to personal development, it ALWAYS pays to be an asshole, because you’re not even risking other people. You’re only risking yourself.

So with that in mind, be an asshole when it comes to your own goals. And on that note…

4) Be okay with being out of your comfort zone, and take other people out of their comfort zones just for a second to size them up.

This will help you greatly with women.

The comfort zone is that special place where you don’t want to get anything done. Well, you “want” to. But you won’t, because you’re comfortable.

Man, f*ck that.

You think assholes are comfortable? Hell naw! They’re assholes! Most of the time they KNOW they’re assholes. They’re kind of okay with that, though, even if other people aren’t. And, when they get over their egos, they become very powerful, very mobile assholes.

You should be one of these.

See, if you’re already out of your comfort zone by forgoing the shelter of other people’s opinions, all while holding yourself up to your own ambitions, you will just get stuff done.

You’ll be the guy who walks up to the girl and gets her number, instead of telling yourself “nah, she’s not interested,” or “I don’t want to bother her.”

Sure someone might say “you can’t just walk up to a girl without invitation or a written affidavit that says she wants to talk to you!”

Well, f*ck that guy. It’s okay to invade someone else’s comfort zone for two seconds to introduce yourself. You don’t have to be the asshole who sticks around after he’s clearly told that he’s not welcome, but you DO have to be the asshole who puts himself out there if you want to meet people.

5) Take a risk, and be okay with making mistakes.

Assholes mess up all the time. They’re okay with that. Nice guys are the ones who go to pieces when things don’t work out, or don’t even start because things might not work out.

To an asshole, the reward is worth the risk.

To a nice guy, the risk is always too great.

Is it a wonder why assholes get the girl?

Are you, as a nice guy, really going to let that asshole get the girl because YOU think the odds are too long for you to risk embarrassment by going up to the girl and starting the conversation?

Well, if you’re going to be a nice guy about it, you WILL let the asshole get the girl.

And then you’ll be this.

6) Quit taking everything so seriously and have more fun.

Again, fun and unpredictability are where the asshole excels. Nice guys are always trying to be mild-mannered, polite, and predictable. That shit’s boring.

Assholes spice it up. They take very few things seriously. They play a lot of games. Not mind games (well, not always) – actual games. Like tag. Or grab-ass. Or doctor. Bow-chicka-bow.

They’re in touch with their inner child, and, again, know what they want out of life, and are selfish enough to go for it.

Just don’t be in touch with outer children.

Did you know she was 16?

The grain of salt: It is possible to take on all of these positive asshole qualities without being a dickheaded sociopath who steps all over everyone so that he can have a little fun. Just remember you can’t please everyone all the time and you shouldn’t try to.

Again, there’s a big grey area between “knowing what you want and having the resolve to ignore nay-sayers,” and being a balls-to-the-wall asshole about stomping on other people.

I like to call the difference between harmless assholery and harmful assholery “being a dickhead.”

Don’t be a dickheaded asshole.

Do be a fun, driven, risk-taking asshole who knows what he wants in life and actively seeks out those who will contribute to the ride!

Table Theory 2012 Summer Challege for Great Justice (TT2012SCfGJ) – Week 1

Hey all,

So, this Summer, I have the pleasure of tracking 3 friends in their quest to complete two significant goals. We have 8 weeks, a diverse skill set, and a never-say-die attitude.

We will all be keeping tabs on each other, and you can keep tabs on US through the blog in a weekly segment entitled “Table Theory 2012 Summer Challege for Great Justice,” or TT2012SCfGJ for short.

Rules:

  • Each goal must be measurable to ensure proper tracking and oversight
  • Each goal must be split into an 8 week span, with an objective for each week
    • Each time a participant does not reach their weekly objective, they add $5 to the pool
  • Participants can, at any time call upon each other for knowledge and indirect help achieving weekly objectives
  • Participants are encouraged to harass each other to maintain focus and drive

At the end of the 8 week period (which starts today), we will have two kickass goals to brag to all of you about, as well as failure money with which we can throw a party!

The contestants and their goals (everyone but myself is anonymized):

Vichet “Khmer McFly” Ou

  1. Complete my young adult market novel
  2. Double my weekly average blog readership (in terms of clicks)

“Big Face Underpantis”

  1. Slim down to 8% bodyfat and a 27″ waist at 142lbs
  2. Be able to lift legs to 100 degrees in all directions, and be able to kick to 180 degrees

“Robert Paulson”

  1. Learn Python (programming language)
  2. Relearn guitar, and be able to play YYZ by Rush

“DD”

  1. Finish a fitness book
  2. Develop an ecommerce website

This is going to be difficult. This is going to be rewarding. Stay tuned each week to see how it goes, all here at Table Theory!