Thought of the Day – 10/25/12

I eat when I’m stressed.

That’s a cop out, though. That presumes that my eating is a direct result of things out of my control – the stressors in my life.

So, I’m going to force myself to say that I choose to eat when I feel stressed.

Things to be thankful for: I pretty much got rid of (regular) soda, sugary drinks, and candy from my diet a few years back – I used to drink 2-3 liters of soda per day in college. I developed hepatitis (hepatitis by itself means liver inflammation – in my case, the cause was too much sugar) from it. Now I drink beer/wine/cocktails 3-4 nights a week and my liver’s healthy as hell. That’s how bad the soda problem was. I’m actually HEALTHIER drinking alcohol.

But, I still have shitty eating habits from when I was a kid. When food is in front of me, no matter how much food or how hungry I actually am, I have a drive to eat all of it. To “clean my plate” – this was important when I was growing up, and my parents didn’t have a lot of resources to just throw around.

Now I make good money and go out a lot. It’s really easy for me to just get as many snacks and drinks as I want. If I weren’t dancing 4-5x a week, I’d be way overweight. Thing is, with how much I eat when I’m not on top of it, I still tip in the direction of gaining weight.

After college, I was 190 at 5’11”. I went down to 155 (unhealthily) with crash dieting (the “fuck this extra weight I’m not gonna eat anything” workout plan… I was pissy every day for two months) and lots of running/calisthenics.

Then I got to a healthy 165 by re-balancing my diet. Went back up to 180 after I allowed some drama to reappear in my life and chose to eat shittily as a response. I stayed that way for a year, then got down to 155 after I diffused the drama and made good eating choices. That was when I was happiest. That’s also right before the time I started my blog (you know, Table Theory – you might have seen it around here).

Now I’m back up to 168ish. Not bad, but I don’t want to let what’s been happening for the last few years happen again. I’m in control of my choices every day. And every day I eat because of stress, it’s me selling myself out of my own happiness so that I can have a fucking cheeseburger at 2 in the morning. I can’t live like that. My eating issues are literally the only unhappy thing in my life right now.

This isn’t depression – that was much harder to kick. This is just little choices every day. Soup, or a 12 inch hoagie. Salad, or a plate of wings. Juice, or water. Simple choices. I need to make the right ones.

We can help each other – I try to remind myself that I have the luxury of living in a country where I don’t have to worry where my next meal is coming from, so I have to stop eating like there won’t be food tomorrow. If you’re facing these challenges, send me a message. We can work together.

It takes a lot of work to deconstruct 23 years of habit. I’m going to do it.

Six more weeks to get a six pack.