Quick Dating Tips – 5 Useful Things You Learn From Video Games Applied to Dating

“But Vichet,” you protest, “nerds don’t get laid!”

Nerds? Why you gotta label everything? Racist.

“What?” you ask.

Yeah, we’re moving on.

So, if you were like me, when you were growing up, you spent all the time that girls were ignoring you by playing video games.

Where she at?

Forever alone…

So, that was most of the time.

Womp womp.

But, contrary to what every parent ever will tell you, while you were playing all those video games and trying to figure out what you could say to a girl to get her to touch your penis, you were ACTUALLY learning a few handy-dandy skills that could help you in dating and life!

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Off the Cuff #7 – “Vichet! How’d you get so fly?!”

How did you gain so much common sense when it comes to dating? Trial and error?

Mostly, yeah.

I did read a book called “The Dating Dictionary” by Doc Love. I recommend it – it’s a good starting point for opening your eyes to fear-based social conditioning, and how to overcome a lot of it.

Beyond that, I never read “The Game.” I have, however, discussed pick-up, dating, relationships, life, philosophy, and other abstract uselessness with other people, both in person and on the internet, for years.

A lot of what Erik Markovik and Owen Cook have said about pick-up have resonated with me… but more about life than about dating.

I guess that’s because I believe knowledge is knowledge, regardless of how you express it. Richard Feynman made a great distinction between knowing what something is called and knowing what it actually is:

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05WS0WN7zMQ%5D

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a thinker, so I suppose that makes sense.

As for practical advice, I mostly just got out there, talked to people, examined myself, went through depression, came out of it with hobbies and life goals, and dated lots of women from lots of different backgrounds and circumstances along the way.

Look, I don’t consider myself a guru. I’m learning, just like everyone else. What I’d say I do have is the balls to put my name on my failures in a place for anyone with internet access to see. But, that’s not a huge difference – it’s not like I have more ability or value or talent than the next guy. I just have the willingness to be accountable to it, and use it in my life.

Here are some bullet points that have helped me in my completely aimless and roundabout (and ongoing) journey.

  • Pay attention to your instincts, but don’t be ruled by them.
  • Opinions are cheap – unless they’re coming from the people who really have your back.
  • On that note, evaluate who really has your back – if it’s no one, consider that you might be an asshole.
  • Always be willing to look at what you did wrong. If you have to, admit it to the people who have your back. Saying it out loud puts your ass on the line, and we’re more effective when there are stakes.
  • Never assume you have a secret exceptional skill that will swoop into your life and save the day when you least expect it. Instead, work on building the skills you know you want to have, so that YOU will swoop in and save the day some day.
  • You can only find happiness in your own drive to live life.
  • Physical activity is a time-tested, great way to learn what it’s like to live in the moment – being in the moment is something you will never understand unless you’ve been there.

Oh, wait, you wanted dating advice?

  • You’re not for everyone.
  • Not everyone’s for you.
  • One girl, regardless of how hot, is just one girl.
  • There is no “the one” – if you were immortal, you’d meet an infinite number of “the one.”
  • Be the expression of your potential, or be on the road to being the expression of your potential.
  • Don’t settle for anyone that takes away happiness from your life. Your happiness is not a negotiation with a third party, it’s a choice to be made by you.
  • Never underestimate the power of chemistry to draw out your stupidity.
  • Love is all you need… as long as you also have food, shelter, and a standard of living that doesn’t have you waking up and crying twice a week.

I have tons of these. They’re disorganized because, like my life, they have come at me randomly and at inopportune moments. Rarely do I ever actually think about them – I just live them. Remember what I said about how a tiger doesn’t have to think about being a tiger? Yeah, well, I’ve internalized a lot of this stuff. So here we have my blog that allows me to externalize them, all for you, for free.

You’re welcome, internet.

Dating Tropes Explained – Part X – “Being Alpha”

Anyone ever tell you to “be alpha”?

Yeah. If you’ve been reading male dating advice for more than a couple weeks, you’ve surely come across this phrase.

And, when most of us get advice, we do the practical, obvious thing (don’t we?) – we go out and use it.

Thing is, that doesn’t quite work with “being alpha.” Part of it is that “being alpha,” as a doctrine, is very vague and confusing. Here’s what most people (who don’t really understand it) think it means:

  • Alphas act confident.
  • Alphas take charge.
  • Alphas aren’t allowed to talk about feelings, show interest, or do anything that might otherwise seem weak – especially to other Alphas.
  • Alphas don’t take no disrespect
  • Alphas go to the gym and can lift like, 400 lbs!
  • No, no, no, true Alphas don’t care what other people think they look like!
  • You kidding me? Alphas are the most attractive guy in the room, 60 percent of the time, EVERY time!
  • Okay, fine – but you have to agree that Alphas practice THESE particular sports, but not THOSE sports – those aren’t alpha enough!
  • Bullshit! Alphas do what they want, when they want, all the time, without giving a rat’s ass about other people!
  • You’re thinking of sociopaths.
  • ALPHA!

AAAAAAAAAAAALPHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…
… !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See that? That’s a fundamental lack of understanding of what being alpha truly means. If I were to encapsulate the never-ending debate surrounding alpha-ism, most people seem to think that being alpha is a big old circle-jerk of inferiority complexes.

And sadly, based on my vast pool of anecdotal evidence and my own condescending proclivities (hey, you’ve been listening to me insult you directly for 40-some articles, don’t tell me you didn’t know), most people are not far from the truth when they think that about people who are “trying to be alpha.”

But, see, that’s the thing. Looking at someone who is trying (ie failing) at being alpha, and then judging the concept based on that, is like meeting someone who is trying to be a fish and saying that because a man can’t breathe under water, fish suck at life.

But, occasionally, you meet an actual alpha, and you realize you have no idea what the f*ck you’re talking about, because, hey, it’s a normal person. You didn’t realize he was being any particular way because a real alpha is just himself – and who he happens to be is someone who invariably kicks ass at whatever he wants to kick ass at, and doesn’t at whatever he doesn’t. He doesn’t, like, answer to YOU, maaaan.

Let that sink in: Being alpha is all about being the ultimate expression of who YOU are, and is thus whatever the hell you want to make it mean.**

**My job is to make sure you truly know who you want to be. Very rarely is it “prince charming who gets walked all over by everyone in his life because he lacks a spine.”

Haven’t you been reading Dating Doctrine?

“But Vichet,” you protest. “Your site is funny and clever and has really good advice! It CAN’T be about becoming alpha like those douchebags I see at bars who all dress the same and dry hump everything they can get their arms around!”

I’m gonna let you in on a secret: misconceptions like the one you have are why I use terms like the “Ultimate Man” – because such a term doesn’t bring to mind the negative connotations that jaded folks out there have pasted onto seduction advice. In fact, misconceptions like that are why the entire “Dating Tropes Explained” series exists.

Really think about the fact that the way you go about your existence is in your hands, along with the consequences of your actions. If you can be at peace with that, you are on the way to becoming alpha.

No, this is not your license to drop everything and turn back into a whiny bitch.

So, again, look at the Ultimate Man. You think he has any of the following thoughts when he goes out?

  • “I’m not talking to her right now. I should go talk to her. Be alpha!”
  • “I’m not standing cool enough. I need to, like, stand cooler. Be alpha!”
  • “My wang isn’t bulging through my pants enough. I need to readjust. Be alpha!”
  • “Super Secret Forbidden Pick-Up Technique, OCTOBER MAAAAAAAAAAAAN!”
  • “It’s over 9000!”

If you think the Ultimate Man has any of those thoughts, you would be wrong, sir. In fact, the Ultimate Man probably doesn’t have any thoughts about how he should act in the moment at all. He just IS. He acts a certain way, because he IS a certain way.

Chuck Palahniuk already had Tyler Durden (the literary character, not the dating coach, though he probably agrees) say it best: “Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.”

The Ultimate Man isn’t born – he’s made. He trained himself to be that way. He started out like you or me – with those thoughts, with those doubts, with people telling him to “be alpha.” After many, many, many failures and a lifetime of introspection and shifting mindsets, he has landed on complete freedom from external constructs. He is the Ultimate Man, and doesn’t think about a thing when it comes to how he should express himself. He is the Ultimate Man when he sleeps, when he showers, when he leaves the house, when he’s at work, when he’s talking to a guy, when he’s talking to a girl – in ANY context, he is still the Ultimate Man, because it’s something he has become, not something he thinks about doing.

A tiger doesn’t think about being a tiger. He doesn’t leave his tiger house in the tiger morning for the tiger office job and think “I’m going to be really TIGER today!”

And that’s the difference.

So in conclusion, I want to be very clear when I say this: if you have to think about being “alpha,” then you are not.

Being alpha is an end that becomes a mean. You develop yourself as a person, and internalize those developments, so your attitudes and ways of being are as natural as walking, breathing, or, you know, hadokens.

HADOKEN!

Don’t get me wrong – you don’t become alpha overnight. Your mindset is intertwined with your daily actions and your habits. In order to shift one, you have to shift the other, and vice-versa, little by little, every day.

When you’re shy (assuming you don’t want to be), you need guys like me to make you accountable, giving you that kick in the ass to make moves in spite of your shyness. But a funny thing happens. After a while, you don’t need guys like me anymore for that particular thing. It just becomes natural.

So, things like the techniques and tropes of dating advice are key steps.

Just remember, they’re not the END of your development as a person. When you get to the crossroads with your newfound power, you’ll be thinking “what next?”

That’s when you need to start really listening to yourself, what you want, and who you want to be. And be that every day, in every context, until you want to be something else. THEN, you’d be alpha, in the sense that it should be understood.

Of course, if you’re alpha already, you probably could care less about the title.

Reddit delivers!

Today, out of boredom, I asked the /r/picrequests subreddit to make me a picture of a unicorn riding a donut, punching Tom Cruise while Bruce Lee shreds guitar in the background.

Not even an hour later, Reddit delivers:

Image

Thank you, internet.

Thought of the Day

Something to think about if you find yourself alone and thinking “But the first date went so well!”

It looks like your data might not match your hypothesis…