Dating Doctrine – Step 3 – Be a Whole Person and Live a Balanced Life. That, and Something About a Pie.

Hello, America.

I’d like to talk to you today about a problem that I encounter very often when giving advice.

That problem is being too detail oriented. Yes, you can be too detail oriented, and it will put the brakes on everything you want to get out of life.

I’m not usually one to forecast gloom and doom, but too often, people come to me looking for the one piece of advice that, by itself, will make everything better – the cheat codes to pick-up and dating, if you will.

And then I confuse the hell out of them by telling them to do something that has nothing to do with women. “Fix your life!” “Have passions!” “Become independent!”

What happened there?

Well, I’ll tell you what – no one single piece of advice, especially in pick-up, will make everything better, except for me saying “use your head” to a smart, experienced person who has already had some measures of success, and knows the value of hard work and persistence.

But, again, the belief that there is one mantra that will work for everything comes out whenever people oversimplify advice to make things seem easier. Which is, like, all the f*ckin’ time, because the response I get 9 times out of 10 to “fix your life” is “but Vichet I just want girls lolololol.”

Right. Then guys like that go and read the following gems:

• Confidence is everything.
• You just have to look good, smell good, and dress well.
• Forget about everything else, just use kino!
• Sexual frame! It’s all about sexual frame!
• Be alpha!
• Be cocky and funny!

And, you know, none of those statements are wrong by themselves. They all have merit.

It’s just that, by themselves, they’re not terribly helpful either.

How do you tell a man who has nothing going for him to just “act confident?” How do you tell a guy who has no confidence that all he needs to do is look good? How can you ignore thousands of years of human verbal and non-verbal interaction to focus solely on touch? How do you explain a sexual frame to a person who isn’t having enough sex? And what the hell does “being alpha” mean (hint: whatever the hell the person saying it means)?

See what I mean? Each of those details requires other things to be in place before they can start to work. By focusing too much on the small details as “the one thing you need to do,” you will stop doing all the other things that make “that one thing” work in the first place.

That’d be like if you were a knife maker making your greatest knife ever, and you spent all your time honing the blade without realizing you didn’t attach a handle, but not only that, forgetting that you need a handle in the first place. Really great blade, but without being complete, that shit is useless by itself.

A knife only requires two parts, though.

Pick-up, and beyond that, happiness in general – well, that requires a few more parts.

So, because I love cooking, I’m going to use a different metaphor here.

Being a complete, balanced, happy, attractive person is like being a well-made apple pie.

You can’t argue that this is completely true and accurate.

If you don’t like cooking, well, you can pretend I’m talking about well-made cars or something.

It might get strange when I start talking about allspice and cinnamon, which have no uses inside a car. Unless you built an oven into the glove box, and start making apple pies in there.

You can think of the different techniques (kino, frame, eye contact, leading, etc – the real PUA stuff), doctrines (how you conduct yourself overall in life, regardless of women), and strategies (mindset, philosophies, overall outlook on life that affects your doctrine) as ingredients in the pie.

In my view, some ingredients, like doctrine and strategy, are more important than others, like techniques. That’s because techniques only apply to very specific situations in your life.

An example being that kino applies to women who are already intrigued by you, and want to know more about you. That’s very specific. As you become more attractive, kino might be more universal, but if you’re reading my blog, chances are that you aren’t there quite yet.

Thing is, not all of your life is very specific situations. Most of it is open-ended, and you will find yourself wasting a lot of time if you’re staring at everything through a magnifying glass thinking “what could I have done better during that particular five minutes of that one day last week in that situation that will likely never happen again?”

But how do we avoid getting too caught up in details?

Well, by living your life through balance.

The pie is a good way to look at this. To make a pie, you need all the ingredients, right?

So what happens when you say something like “it’s all about kino”?

Well, that’d be like making a pie that only has cinnamon in it. Cinnamon’s f*ckin’ awesome, but ever have a spoonful by itself? That shit is nasty. Cinnamon by itself doesn’t make a pie. No one would eat it. Maybe someone who likes cinnamon a whole hell-of-a-lot would take a lick. But that’s it.

Okay, so you can’t have just cinnamon. What about if you add the apples? That’s what makes an apple pie, right? Baked apples with cinnamon are frickin’ awesome. Put a little sugar on there, now we’re getting somewhere! Let’s say that having spiced, baked apples in your pie is representative of having cool things going on in your life. You’ve got that, now.

Great! Who wants to buy spiced, baked apples from the store?

A lot more people than whoever wants to buy plain cinnamon – this is true.

But, there’s still something missing. The presentation. The charm. The look of the pie. The thing that makes people look at the pie and wonder what it tastes like.

That’s where crust comes in. Crust can be, for pick-up purposes, your overall look and presence. People will see a good crust and think, “That’s a nice pie.”

But remember, if all you have is a nice crust, you just LOOK like a nice pie. You’re not actually that great. If you don’t have the spices and the apples in there, you’ll be the kind of guy who gets lots of numbers and first dates, but very few seconds.

You gotta have it all. You don’t have to be the best at everything, no, but you have to at least take care of every part of your life.

I’m not saying make everything the same priority – there are things in your life that are more important than others. But, just because you prioritize something now, doesn’t mean you forget about everything else after that.

You need to realize that pick-up and dating and relationships are more than about one technique, one conversation, or one date. There’s a bigger picture you’re missing if all you’re doing is thinking that you only need to be doing one thing in your life to achieve success. You have to be a whole man. Not just someone who’s good in a conversation

And, beyond that, this is just part of life. One single tiny part of your life. What are you doing to take care of your life? Pick-up?

Not such a good idea, bro. I firmly believe that focusing too much on picking up women is plain destructive and a waste of time, because it’ll make you focus on women as a solution to a problem that you have with yourself. A problem that no woman or other person can fix.

Don’t get me wrong – if I didn’t believe this stuff was important and that people needed to know it, I wouldn’t be writing hundreds of pages of advice.

But pick-up… it’s just a small part of your life, man. 15 percent at MOST. And, you’re not going to build a whole life by focusing JUST on pick-up and pick-up techniques, or even my dating advice. Think about it – do you really want to put 85 percent of your life effort into something that’s only worth 15 percent?

Please. Do that, and you’ll ruin your game, and ruin your life.

I’ve probably said this in 10 different articles, but the key to good relationships is to have the foundation of a good life. Period. You can argue 15 ways from Sunday about this technique or that technique and about how one pulls more girls or whatever, but if you don’t have your shit together, all of that stuff is just splitting hairs.

Details don’t really matter if you’re failing at life, because the solution to a failing life is always the same – handle your shit. Get your shit handled, and then suddenly, almost everything you do is golden, pick-up or otherwise. THEN you can work on techniques, because they become the difference between good and great, versus the difference between failing miserably and not failing quite as miserably.

There’s a reason why guys who are happy with their lives don’t have lady troubles. Here’s to you finding out, and living out that reason.

Table Theory 2012 Summer Challege for Great Justice (TT2012SCfGJ) – Week 4 and 5

DOUBLE POST!

So, last week was really busy for me. Sorry about that, guys. It’s been really busy, because people have been contacting me with questions! Woo! The “Off the Cuff” series will begin expanding soon, so keep an eye out.

We’ve reached the halfway point of the TT2012SCfGJ, and it looks like everyone is on track to finish. Read about it below!

Vichet “Khmer McFly” Ou (Finish book and double readership):

Week 3

Triumphs – smashed my goals for blog readership. This week I got 20,000+ views referred from Reddit, all from just two links that I submitted. Even though readership has slowed down from that high, I’m still getting way more than twice the traffic that I used to. I just have to keep it up.

Failures – The excitement from my blog’s success had me neglecting my novel. I am now WAY behind. Only got 4 or 5 pages done this week. Another 5 in the pot for me.

Week 4

Triumphs – blog is still growing in views. People are reposting, and starting to evangelize my advice.

I have legit seen the phrases “have you read Vichet’s blog?” floating around the relationship oriented subreddits.

Failures – I finished 20 pages this week, but I still didn’t get to where I projected I’d be by now, because I consider the pages that I didn’t finish on previous weeks as pages that must be finished the next weeks. 5 bucks for me.

UPDATE – the rest of the members have voted that I shouldn’t accumulate punishment from previous weeks. I’m still on target to finish my book, so they’re letting me reset my quota to 20 pages at the beginning of each week.

Big Face Underpantis (hit target weight/bodyfat and improve leg extension in dance):

Week 3

fat loss – big set back. french people are horrible. threatening me with guns, filling me up with bread and cheese. tipped the scales at 150.2 this week. i’ve got some fuckin’ work to do to hit 146. $5.

extension – great. above 90 degrees both legs both front and side. injury is better.

Week 4

fat loss – 147.6, not bad considering much of this week was damage control. $5. good news is the trend is moving steadily downwards.

extension – great fuckin news – 100 degrees both legs, all directions.

DD (develop ecommerce site and write fitness book):

Week 3

I have a Tony Robbins coach that I hired to help focus my efforts. She suggested I write the last chapter first so I can ensure that all of the previous chapters funnel into the conclusion smoothly. I worked on my last chapter but didn’t finish it. Despite not finishing working on the last chapter has really refined my thought process +$5

I created a rough draft of my website in Weebly. It will include a blog section, sales section, before and after pictures, about me, faq, and a home page with intro video. Looks good so far. The blog section will be both written and video blogs and will be examples of how to apply the lessons within my book. +$0.

Week 4

This was a good week. No money in the pot. I really structured how to write so I was able to write a lot. I launched a mini site. Check it out. Fitnessweapons.com. Sign up and get my fit tips in your email.

Robert Paulson (learn Python and relearn guitar):

Week 3

Got Python done. Wrote some interesting scripts that prompt the user. Next week moving into more parameters, and I/O from files.

I failed terribly at my guitar exercises this week. I had put it off all week with plans to do it Saturday. Saturday came along and I was hungover as shit, and the sound of an electric guitar screeching into my ears was not appealing, so I’m out 5 bucks.

Week 4

Python should be what every kid learns first for any programming class. This week I took some input, wrote it to a text file, and ran the file. Very straightforward. Next week is a script for copying files, should be handy, might even find a use for it at work.

YYZ is still kicking my ass, but the good news is I’m getting quicker. I got the timing of the riff down, but I still sound like shit. Should sound better with more practice in the coming weeks. What’s nice is I’m moving into other songs as well, as my passion has been renewed, so its not all about YYZ. Metallica’s “Orion” and Zeppelin’s “Ten Years Gone” are a couple I’m noodling right now. (they are slightly easier)

have a listen to the masters: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYpydtdlWxA

Steel (learn Python and form a proto-sixpack)

Week 3

Workouts are going great, feel like I have better energy. And I feel like I’m on my way. Goal met but I can still stand to eat healthier and drink a bit less.

Python isn’t going so hot, I’m reading the material but I’m not doing enough of the practice exercises. I need to be better disciplined in adhering to my schedule in that regard.

+5 as well.

Week 4

Steel is running late with his update – check back soon for his progress!

No clear winners for week 3, but week 4 saw all of us get on target for the big win come early August!

The pot is currently at:

$60 – case of beer and a couple fifths of mid-shelf liquor.

So who would like to party with us at the end, and celebrate our hard-won ballerness?

Table Theory 2012 Summer Challege for Great Justice (TT2012SCfGJ) – Week 2

Hey all,

And, we’re off! We’ve got updates from all of the crew, who have had mixed success with our goals so far. Here’s what they had to say about their challenges in week 1:

Vichet “Khmer McFly” Ou (Finish book and double readership):

First, triumphs: I have a list of search terms that lead people to my website, and I’m steadily growing in clicks organically, even though I’m writing less frequently than I used to. Furthermore, the number of readers that are coming in through search engines (rather than people I already know through Facebook) is steadily growing.

These are the seeds for when I make the server transition in the coming two weeks. After I transition to my own host, I can start optimizing my site to take advantage of my search terms and stuff.

Failures: Did not reach my weekly goal for writing. I procrastinated because an old friend was in from out of town, but really, I could have found more time to write. 20 pages per week is only hard when you have to do 14 of them on a Sunday. I came up 3 pages short that I have to make up this week. 5 bucks to the jar for me!

Big Face Underpantis (hit target weight/bodyfat and improve leg extension in dance):

Bodyfat – 150lbs @ 13% according to the scale, although my goal was 149, i still feel leaner, which is good. i kind of had 2 cheat days this week, sat. and sun. – on friday, i was 148.6 and 12.4%, so i think my “failure” this week is a result of food/water/shit still in my belly – i’m fairly confident by tomorrow morning i’ll be back down to 148ish and 12.5ish%. still though, i’m throwing $5 into the pot because i need to hit my numbers even in light of cheat days.

Extension – Been stretching a lot, and I’m at 90degrees to the side, still about 80 to front. So we’re good on this one.

Challenges – Bodyfat. Too lax. Not that I’ve had calorie surpluses, but my calorie deficits aren’t as aggressive as I had planned them to be. Things like alcohol, friends, family, graduation parties, etc. make me want to eat. This week, I stick with the plan 100%

Tweaks this coming week – No deviations from diet plan + stretch my f*ckin ass off.

DD (develop ecommerce site and write fitness book):

So I got my initial goals this week despite being on vacation. That’s where it ended. I could have continued to do more but I chose to put it aside and work on week two during week two instead of being an over achiever.

Btw i’m still on vacation. Currently in las vegas. This place is awesome!

Robert Paulson (learn Python and relearn guitar):

Had some trouble deciding what platform to do Python on. PC at home? Laptop? Work PC in spare time? Ultimately decided on the laptop, as I can work on it anywhere. It will make referencing material a little more difficult because it lacks dual screens, but frees me up from a lot of space/time constraints. I never thought choosing what platform to program on would be an issue, but I’ve never actually had options to choose what I program on before.

So I got Python installed, and so far things are smooth. I’m on track for next week.

The guitar is ready, however I’m still waiting on the headphone amp. I’m not throwing 5 bucks into the pot because USPS snailmail is out my control. I don’t need the amp to tune or to play, I just can’t hear myself so I don’t know if I sound like shit or not. Amp should be here soon, so I’m going to start working on the YYZ morse code intro as soon as it arrives.

The big winner this week is DD! Congrats, bud!

As you can see, we all met with challenges this past week. Big Face and I both failed our weekly quota for one of our goals – but we’ve both resolved to come back stronger this week.

Stay tuned!

Table Theory 2012 Summer Challege for Great Justice (TT2012SCfGJ) – Week 1

Hey all,

So, this Summer, I have the pleasure of tracking 3 friends in their quest to complete two significant goals. We have 8 weeks, a diverse skill set, and a never-say-die attitude.

We will all be keeping tabs on each other, and you can keep tabs on US through the blog in a weekly segment entitled “Table Theory 2012 Summer Challege for Great Justice,” or TT2012SCfGJ for short.

Rules:

• Each goal must be measurable to ensure proper tracking and oversight
• Each goal must be split into an 8 week span, with an objective for each week
  • Each time a participant does not reach their weekly objective, they add $5 to the pool
• Participants can, at any time call upon each other for knowledge and indirect help achieving weekly objectives
• Participants are encouraged to harass each other to maintain focus and drive

At the end of the 8 week period (which starts today), we will have two kickass goals to brag to all of you about, as well as failure money with which we can throw a party!

The contestants and their goals (everyone but myself is anonymized):

Vichet “Khmer McFly” Ou

1. Complete my young adult market novel
2. Double my weekly average blog readership (in terms of clicks)

“Big Face Underpantis”

1. Slim down to 8% bodyfat and a 27″ waist at 142lbs
2. Be able to lift legs to 100 degrees in all directions, and be able to kick to 180 degrees

“Robert Paulson”

1. Learn Python (programming language)
2. Relearn guitar, and be able to play YYZ by Rush

“DD”

1. Finish a fitness book
2. Develop an ecommerce website

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This is going to be difficult. This is going to be rewarding. Stay tuned each week to see how it goes, all here at Table Theory!

Quick Dating Tips – Differentiating Yourself in College by Learning New Shit Over the Summer

This one’s for all the college bros out there, for whom Summer break is waiting for just around the corner.

You might have an internship. You might even have a full time job. You might have lots of porn and a date with your right hand, every night, for three months.

In all of those cases, you will have LOTS OF FREE TIME.

“No way, Vichet! I’m gonna be super busy!”

Yeah. “Busy.”

Don’t bullshit me. I was in college, too. I held a full time job two summers in a row and still had time to do whatever the hell I wanted for 8 hours a day. Unless you’re traveling the world building houses or doing medical outreach and shit, you will have lots of free time this summer.

All I will tell you to do in this article is to use it.

Why?

For personal development. You will never have more free time to discover what you’re capable of than you have in college. Don’t get me wrong, life outside of college kicks motherf*ckin’ ass – or at least however much ass you make it kick. But still, college really is a special time where no one is judging you and someone else is paying your bills. Run with it!

And also, the skills and stories you will come back to campus with will increase your reputation 10-fold. You will take steps to becoming a funner, more magnetic person. Which, if you need a bro-speak translation, means “you’re gettin’ laid, bro!”

Many of you won’t take my advice, because you’re lazy or a dipshit. But, that will work to the advantage of people who DO take my advice, because you will be 10 times cooler than the lazy guys next to you who didn’t take my advice.

So without further ado, here are are 9 things you can do over the Summer to differentiate yourself in college:

1) Have some way to make your own money.

It can be part time, full time, or whatever. But you need your own spending money. You need to know what things cost in terms of your labor. That will put your post-college life in perspective, AND earn you cash.

2) Get in shape (or in better shape).

It’s not as hard after you stop bitching and moaning. College does a number on EVERYONE’S body, because let’s face it, we still latch onto a lot of stupid animal instincts – ever see a goldfish die from eating too much? Don’t be that way.

Find a gym buddy who has made a similar transformation – these people are everywhere. Key points are eating right and exercising. Do some research and find what works for you – you’ll be surprised what you can pull off in a month.

3) Have an adventure.

Doesn’t matter to me what adventure you have – it should speak to YOU.

Do something you’ve always wanted to do, or that would result in you being able to say something cool about yourself that you’ve always wanted to be able to say.

Suggestions? I dunno. Do a tough-man competition. Or an actual adventure race. Cliff-diving. Cross country road trip with a friend. Something. Just do it. Find a way.

Don’t forget to write down what you do – you might forget some details that you don’t want to forget, and that stuff makes GREAT conversation. I met two guys the other day who biked across country over their Summer break, stopping wherever the hell they felt like.

There are many options for many price levels. Just do something – don’t let all that free time slip away!

4) Learn how to make drinks.

This one will make you hugely popular in college. If you haven’t already, stockpile a small stash of respectable liquors that you will use only for your close friends and dates when you get back to campus. Use it judiciously, or you might find yourself spending a LOT of money.

5) Learn how to cook respectably well.

This isn’t negotiable, because no matter who you are, you can learn to cook respectably well. It’s a learned skill.

More importantly, it’s practical, saves money, and will be CLUTCH in helping you not become fat after you graduate. Trust me on this one.

You have to throw yourself into it. Find a cooking buddy. Experiment. Use your parents’ kitchen, and treat them for once by making them dinner.

Use the internet to find guides and tips for your favorite recipes. Start simple, and try a new challenge once a week. You can make it extra fun for yourself if you learn how to cook with fire.

Your first couple of meals might be “meh” – but you’ll start to get into it more, and when you notice improvement, you’ll really start to enjoy it.

6) Get a few nice outfits to go out in, meaning more conservative and less douchey.

This is coming from a guy who owns a tee-shirt that says “Vagina is for Lovers.”

Dressing well sounds gimmicky and stupid, but it’s way less gimmicky and stupid than neon tee-shirts and crocs. At least my tee-shirt fits well. Photos of you get posted to the internet whether you like it or not, now – if you think girls don’t judge on looks, you would be wrong, sir. You will go far if you can still look like a fun guy without looking exactly like every other guy in the photo. Also, I hate neon.

I still see a lot of college kids around because I teach a dance class at a very large University. You should see what these guys wear to parties – you will stand out in a very good way if you just flatter your figure with some good clothes.

Remember: Well-fitting clothes on a guy is to girls what sexy lingerie on girls is to guys.

7) Learn how to not sound like an idiot.

I know you’re smart, but being smart is, counter-intuitively, not all there is to not sounding like an idiot. You need to be able to carry on easy conversations, especially with large-chested women who make you nervous. Boobies tend to make college kids try too hard to sound cool – bad move.

A couple of tips – imagine yourself with the voice of Morgan Freeman instead of your own. Does he sound ridiculous saying “like” or “umm” 20 times in one sentence? Then make him stop doing that! Get him back to the baller tone and delivery from “Shawshank Redemption” that you know and love.

Also, learn to listen. I’m not talking about just being silent and waiting for your turn to talk again. Listen. Not just to people – to everything around you. It’ll help you gain an intuition for how people and things tend to work.

Also, join Toastmasters if you have to.

8) Learn how to not look like an idiot while dancing.

This is also non-negotiable, at least for college kids.

I don’t care who you are or where you go to school. You will find yourself at a party at SOME point and people will want to be dancing.

I’m not asking you to be Mikhail Baryshnikov. I’m just asking you to put yourself out there, and also not look like a tool doing it.

EVERYONE can learn how to dance and at least not look like an idiot. It’s not even really about dancing that well. It’s just about not being like every other bro in the room, leaning against the wall while the ladies are humping each other on the dance floor – YOU could be in the middle of that!

I’ve personally taught hundreds of people (and was myself someone) who didn’t think they could ever learn to put one foot in front of the other.

The only difference between “dancers” and normal people is that dancers keep at it.

Get over yourself and take a few classes – because, hey, you have NO idea how popular this (in combination with #6 and #7, and when you get her back to your apartment #4 and #5 ) will make you with the ladies.

9) Make friends of a similar mindset who also differentiate themselves in cool ways.

These friends will help you get laid more, yes. But more importantly they will keep you accountable to yourself and help you get farther in LIFE.

Good friends will uplift you, and help you see and do things that you probably never thought you’d be able to do on your own. If notice – most of my tips up there include the advice “get a buddy to do it with you.” It helps so much more than I can describe to have people around, keeping you accountable.

—

There you have it. It might seem daunting at first.

Remember that you have three months. Yes, that IS enough time.

Not only that, a lot of you are Ivy League-ers. And even if you’re not, you were still smart enough to get into college. Are you suggesting that you can’t pick up skills as simple as the ones listed above, yet you’re planning on going into finance/engineering/medical school/graduate school/generally being alive?

For shame.

It’s one thing not to know how to do those things up there, it’s another to think you’re incapable – quit being a douche and just do it.

Which brings me to my overall point – take advantage of the Summer!

Make mistakes. Learn what works and what doesn’t for you. It becomes much more difficult to drop off the face of the earth to develop yourself after you get out of college, so use this time to do it.

You will come back to campus, and look like you’ve evolved. You’ll exude confidence from your new-found competencies. Girls will be wondering what the hell you’ve been up to that made you so cool.

“Did you hear that _______ did _______ over the summer?”

“No way.”

“Yeah. And he makes a kickass galette.”

“I LOVE GALETTE!”

They’ll probably wanna hear about it over those kickass drinks you learned to make, too. And they definitely want to stick around for those galettes that they know you make, because their friends told them about your kickass cooking.

The power of a good reputation (which most people don’t have in college), and the awesome skills needed to back it up (which most people don’t have in college) are powerful aphrodisiacs indeed. Take it from a guy who’s been there – and also from my other guy friends who kept me accountable and have also been there.